Reforming a People Pleaser

For most of my life, I was focused on others. When people were hurting, they came to me for solace. I was good at listening to their hopes, fears, and dreams. I put everyone else’s needs before my own…I used to joke (with a slightly bitter edge!) that if we rescued a dog, it would come before me, too! 

I thought it was kindness. Loyalty. Being a “good” person.

But it was people-pleasing.

And it cost me — emotionally, mentally, and physically.

What looked like being helpful on the outside fueled constant stress and vigilance, resentment for not being appreciated, emotional eating and drinking, exhaustion and low mood, and a total disconnect from my own needs and inner world.

💭 As Dr. Gabor Maté says:

“When we compulsively cater to the needs of others, we suppress our own emotions — and the body keeps the score.”

So, where does this pattern come from?

It often starts early.

When we learn — subtly or explicitly — that being liked, helpful, or “easy” earns love, safety, or approval.

But what protected us then can harm us now.

After the menopause transition hit me with a whole array of health issues, I was forced to stop and take stock (I’m thankful now for my body shouting at me!) And when I began to put myself first — not in a self-centred way, but in a self-nurturing way — everything shifted.

I started listening to my body.

 - Saying no when I meant no.

 - Resting without guilt.

 - Feeding myself nourishing food and habits, emotional and physical.

 - Regulating my nervous system with mindful practices.

 - Setting boundaries (including saying no to the nightly wine-for-surviving-the-day).

 - Letting go of the fear of not being liked by everyone!

And something beautiful happened.

The more I cared for me, the easier it became to care for others — from a place of fullness, not depletion. 

Like putting the oxygen mask on first.

It’s not just a metaphor. It’s our biology speaking.

✨ As a health coach, I love helping other women move from people-pleasing to self-nurturing — and in doing so, make powerful, sustainable health changes.

When you tune into your own needs, fuel your own tank, and start showing up for yourself with the same love you give to others, change becomes natural.

If this resonates with you, I want you to know:

It’s safe to choose yourself.

It’s okay to say no.

You are worthy of your own care.

You are not alone. 

You are not broken. 

And you absolutely can rewrite the story.

If you need support to start creating the life you have been craving — full of energy, clarity, authenticity and confidence, please reach out for a free discovery call.